Thursday, February 28, 2019

My PawPaw

February 19th, I talked to my dad about my PawPaw and he told me that he is just having a hard time and explained what has been going on lately with him. A few minutes after our call, I got a message from my sister-in-law. She said that her and my brother wanted to pay for me to come home to visit my PawPaw. I was not expecting this, but we made plans and I booked my flight to go home and visit February 28th-March 4th. 

I prayed to God that night that if it was time for my PawPaw to finally go home and be with his wife, I would be okay. 

3 days later on February 22nd, I got a call from my dad at 6:41 in the morning. I figured he just wanted to confirm my travel arrangements for the following week. That was not the case. My PawPaw passed away that morning. I don't think I said much to my dad, but I sure did break down. 

At first I wasn't going to change my tickets to go home for the funeral, but I finally did with the help of my parents. I was leaving that night to fly home. Not only was I leaving, but my youngest was coming with me. Her dad offered to pay for her to fly home with me and boy was I glad he did... I believe she was a huge part of keeping me from breaking down every single day more than I did.  

To be able to spend this time with my family, my daughter and I went through quite a bit... 
- 19 hours travelling from Seattle to Lake Charles. 
- 7 hours in the car travelling back and forth to the airport and to Crowley 
- 2 big planes with turbulence the whole flight
- 1 small airplane with the worst turbulence of our life. I have never been on a flight like that.
- Getting back on a small place with a kid who was terrified from the last experience was super hard. 
- 1 small plane that was delayed due to fog and trying to play catch up made us ALMOST miss our connecting flight

But honestly, I would do it over again if I had the chance.
I was so thankful to be able to be with my family during this really hard time. 

I was so thankful to be able to hug my dad and mom. 
I was so thankful to be able to share memories of my PawPaw with all our family. 

I have been having a really hard time. I was not expecting this to hit me so hard, but it has. I can't remember a time in my life where I have been this mentally, emotionally and physically drained. 

This morning I got up and read my devotional for the day. I am behind on my days, but I think it was meant to be. Today's devotional said: Come to Me for rest and refreshment. The journey has been too much for you, and you are bone weary. Do not be ashamed of your exhaustion. 

What a perfect reminder. I know that I am not perfect. I do have a hard time showing people how upset or broken-hearted I am. I know it will take some time to get to where I can go a day without crying. But, I am not there yet. 

Thank you to all of you who have shared your condolences with myself or my family. We truly appreciate it.  

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